:)

1. Go to Google Maps. 2. Go to “Get Directions”. 3. Type Japan as the start location. 4. Type China as the end location. 5. Go to step # 43. 6. Laugh

Belladonna joke

Belladonna,
n.: In Italian a beautiful lady;
in English a deadly
poison.

coincidence?

Kid’s heart joke

I have a kid’s heart.

I keep it in a jar on my
desk. Pickled.

Open-mouthed smile

Blonde joke…

During a company’s recent
password audit, it was found that a blonde
employee was using the following
password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such
a long password, she said she was told that it
had to be at least 8 characters long and include
at least one capital.

Mastering an Irish Accent

If anyone ever tells you something unbelievable or crazy in Ireland, and you want to express your surprise in an authentic Irish accent, all you need is 4 words and you’re sorted. And these 4 words are:

Whale Oil Beef Hooked.

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbWmW8UqJcc

Excuse the language.. but I thought it was funny :)

THE COMPLETE AND UNCENSORED SHIT LIST

7th Day Adventist Shit happens on Saturdays.

AGNOSTICISM What is this shit?

ALTRUISM Want some shit?

AMISH Shit dost occur.

APATHISM I don’t give a shit.

ASTROLOGY Uranus transits.

ATHEISM I don’t believe this shit.

BA’HAI All shit is truly shit.

BUDDHISM Shit happens.

BAPTIST FUNDAMENTALISM Shit happens because the
Bible says so.

CAPITALISM How much will this shit cost?

CARTESIANISM I shit, therefore I am.

CATHOLICISM If shit happens, you deserved it.

CLASSICAL Marxism The workers take all the
shit, but they’re gonna dish it back out again.

COMMUNISM It’s everybody’s shit.

CONFUCIANISM Confucius say, "Shit
happens."

CREATION SCIENCE We have proof that God created
all the shit that happens.

CONTRACT THEORY If we don’t agree to form
society, everything will go to shit.

DADISM Your mom knows her shit.

DARWINISM We came from shit.

DESCARTES I shit therefore I am.

DIANETICS Shit your way to a better life.

DOMINICANS Belive in shit, or we’ll boil you in
it.

DYSLEXIANISM Hits shapnep.

FUNDAMENTALISM If shit happens, they deserve
it.

GNOSTICISM Know shit

Jehovah’s Witness Knock, knock, "Shit
happens."

JUDAISM Why does shit always happen to US?

MARINES It’s not just shit, it’s an adventure.

MCCARTHYISM Are you now, or have you ever been,
shit?

MENNONITE None of this modern shit now.

MOMISM You’ll eat this shit and like it!

MORMONISM Your shit is shit, but our shit is
the ONE TRUE shit.

MURPHISM Shit always happens at the worst
possible time and place.

NARCISSISM My shit don’t stink.

NIETSCHE If you’re not Ubermenschen, you’re not
shit.

NIHILISM Everything is shit.

NIXONISM Shit didn’t happen, and if it did, I
don’t know anything about it.

Nonsequiturism Route 176 goes south.

Objectivism (Ann Rand) Shit is Shit.

PAGANISM Shit happens. And is a part of nature.

PANGLOSSISM This is the best of all possible
shits.

PLATONISM There is an ideal shit, of which all
the shit that happens is but an imperfect image.

Protestantism Let shit happen to someone else.

RASTAFARIAN Shit happens, but if it’s all right
with Jah, it’s all right with me.

ROBINISM (tv) Holy shit Batman!

RUSSEAU Only natural shit is worth shit.

Rastafarianism "Let’s smoke this
shit."

SHINTO Shit is everywhere. So as long as you’re
stepping in it, show it some respect.

SKINNERISM If eat then shit.

SOLIPSISM All this shit is a creation of my
imagination.

SOLIPSISM The only thing I can be sure of is
that my shit happens.

SPOONERISM Hit shappens.

STALINISM The state treats you like shit.

SUBGENIUS Bob happens — SO GIVE ME SOME SLACK!

SURREALISM Shit is shiny and shaped like a
buick.

Scientific-Creationism Shit happens all at once

Secular-Humanism Shit happens, but there’s a
rational explanation.

TAOISM The shit that happens is not the true
shit.

Terrorists: If shit happens, take a hostage.

THE-FORCE Do not be swayed by the Dark Side of
the shit.

TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION Shit. Shit. Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit…….

TV-Evangelism you need our shit, but it’ll cost
you.

UNITARIANISM There’s only one shit, but you can
have it happen any way you want.

Utilitarianism Do that which generates the
greatest shit for the greatest number.

VANDALISM I’m gonna wreck this shit!

VOODOOISM Shit doesn’t just happen – somebody
dumped it on you

Xeno’s paradox It’s logically impossible for
shit to happen.

YUPPIEISM It’s my shit! All mine!

ZEN What is the sound of shit happening?

Source: http://www.bytebrothers.org/shitlist.htm

.

Do you know how the Amish hunt? They sneak up on a deer and build a barn around it. —Tim Bedore

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