How to meditate

"Do you guys all meditate then?" asked John.
Sarah, Mike and Kirsten all murmured in the affirmative.
"How do you go about it then?"
"Well, first of all, you have to sit, not lie down, otherwise you’ll fall asleep" said Sarah
"Right!" exclaimed John enthusastically plonking down in his seat and rubbing his hands together.
"Yes and make sure you aren’t leaning back in your chair – sit on the edge of the chair so you arent tempted to lean back and snooze" added Mike
John positioned himself so he was teetering uncomfortably at the edge of his seat, and looked up doubtfully. "Right…." Sitting so straight his spine could have ruled paper, he closed his eyes and began breathing in and out loudly.
"Wait!" laughed Kirsten "you need to relax too – look how uncomfortable you look!"
"Oh sorry – let me adjust… " John relaxed his previously knife-straight back, wilting at a slightly peculiar angle, rasping softly with every inhalation and exhalation.
"And for the best effect, you’re meant to let your tongue tip touch the roof of your mouth" added Mike
In doing this, John’s tongue protruded slightly, resembling a retarded caveman. His tongue lolling, his body like a wilted flower teetering precariously on the edge of the chair, eyes shut and his mouth emitting sounds of breathing which were remarkably reminiscent of an elephant. Perfection. 

True story.


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