focus, meaning, reaction

In every situation, how you feel about your position in the situation depends on 3 things:

1.) What are you focused on:

2.) What does it mean

3.) How you react to the situation given 1+2.

For example,
Someone is supposed to meet you for dinner at 7pm and it’s now 7.30pm and they havent called and you can’t reach them.
Some people focus on feeling angry becuse of what they think the situation means: eg "how could they do this to me! how could they be so inconsiderate! they dont care about me! maybe they’re out scooting around with someone else they like better than me!" When they show up, you’ll be fuming and react accordingly. Not a happy situation for you or the person who was late!

Some people focus on feeling worried "I hope nothing bad’s happened to them. Maybe they were in an accident! Maybe they were held up at the store! maybe they are being mugged right this second! I hope they arent hurt!" When they show up, you’ll be relieved but you’ll have wasted all that negative emotion which was most likely unjustified. And they may feel guilty for having made you worry. Again, not the best situation.

Other people may think they’ve been stood up coz they’re not good enough, and the person probably never really liked them anyway and they just feel sorry for themselves.

Other people focus on thoughts like "ah they probably will have a good reason. I bet it’s not personal. I’ll hear it when they get here. In the meantime, I’m gonna get me my book out and enjoy this meal on my own." These people won’t feel as negatively as the first two groups of people, and when the person does show up, they are less likely to react in a way that will make the situation blow up and have negative repercussions.

You decide what you focus on. You decide how you interpret every situation. It’s your decisions that therefore control how you feel.
Always focus on what you have, not on what you don’t have.
Focus on what you are in control of, not on what is in control of you.
Always focus on where you want to go, not on where you’re afraid of going. Focus on what you want to happen, not on what you’re afraid of happening. The thing is, if you focus on the thing you’re afraid of, you might unconsciously steer towards it. This by the way explains how people manage to drive into the one tree on the street if they lose control of their car. So take care what you focus on!
This may also partly explain why some people smile in funerals – They think to themselves "It’s inappropriate to smile, don’t do it, dont smile, dont.. " and what do they end up doing? yep. ok might be another factor going on there too but it might be partly the focus.

Bear in mind that if you focus on the positive, there is no guarantee life will be good and rosey and lovely. There are no guarantees in life. Maybe the person who hasnt turned up really was in an accident or really is having an affair. But if you focus on the negative, you are far far more likely to create problems for yourself. And with a positive state of mind you are better equipped to handle whatever comes your way.



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