Self-esteem boosting tips

The deepest need that each person has is for self-esteem, a sense of being important, valuable, and worthwhile.

For most people, good self esteem is not just a happy
accident, it’s a result of the way they think and the things they do from
day to day. Changing the way you think about yourself and your life is essential to boosting self-esteem.

Some tips to boost self-esteem:

  • In form, you are and will always be inferior to some,
    superior to others.
    [Some may have more money than you, be better looking, have
    more cool possessions, have more friends, be more generous, be happier etc]

    In essence, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone.
    True self-esteem and true humility arise out of that realization.

  • Accentuate the positive: List all your positive traits which make you a valuable and worthwhile person.  Refresh every morning and night all you have done well . 
  • Make a list of all the people in your life who love you. This is a great way to help you realize how wonderful you are and how many people care about you. You will stop measuring your self worth by one relationship that has gone awry and begin measuring it by how many lives you have touched overall.
  • Learn to accept compliments.
  • Do what you love. Everyone loves to do something, when you indulge yourself in your love
    you improve the way you feel about yourself. You improve your self
  • Remember we all passed the "learning stage" where we felt inadequate. It will pass and you will reach adequacy with time and effort. Learning something new is often accompanied by feelings of
    lack of self belief and high stress levels, all of which are necessary
    parts of the learning process. The next time you feel under-confident,
    remembering this will remind you that it’s perfectly normal – you’re just
  • Compare yourself against yourself. If you look at how you were yesterday and how you are today and there
    is an improvement then that is great. If there is no improvement then
    you know you need to improve your efforts. Don’t start comparing your
    self to other people. Saying you are poor compared to D. Trump is just
    going to make you miserable.
  • Have clear standards and values to which you are committed.
  • Set yourself goals and make steps towards fulfilling them until you achieve them. Make decisions and follow them through! Once you have set your goals and standards, it is important that you make them measurable so that you can keep score of your small and large successes along the way. Rewarding yourself as you reach each goal is also a good idea.
  • Lasting self-esteem comes only when your goals and your values are congruent eg embark on a career path that you really enjoy, something
    that is consistent with your innermost convictions.
  • Do something you are good at. If possible, it should be something that holds
    your attention and requires enough focus to get you into that state of
    ‘flow’ where you forget about everything else. You will feel more competent,
    accomplished and capable afterwards, great antidotes to low self esteem! And while you’re at it, seriously consider doing something like this at
    least once a week. People who experience ‘flow’ regularly seem to be happier
    and healthier.
  • Trust your instincts , believe in your abilities.
  • There is no need for you to put yourself down. By seeing yourself in a negative light you are only reinforcing your low
    self esteem. If you want to improve your self esteem. Ask yourself, how
    can I improve my self esteem. The answer will always be, find one
    positive thing about yourself and that will do it.
  • View a mistake as a lesson. Learn from your mistakes , change and move on, it is your opportunity
    for growing. Talking risks is important because it shows the capacity
    to deal with life. You are in control and no matter what happens you
    can cope with it.
  • Forget about the opinion of others. Stop thinking all day what others think . Everybody has different opinions and different abilities.
  • Become your own best friend. Treat yourself with kindness, patience
  • Don’t put up with crap. There is no reason you should tolerate other people being mean to you.
    Even if they say they are doing it with love. Make sure people know
    they should be nice to you and if they refuse, walk away from them. Drop your negative friends. Hang out with people who are positive and support you. It may be fun to
    bitch and moan but if you hang out with these types of people you will
    eventually become one of them. You may have noticed that people who
    bitch and moan are never happy.
  • Give your brain a break from thinking: Stop thinking and relax properly. Some people do this by exercising,
    others by involving themselves in something that occupies their mind. Being able to relax yourself when you want is a fantastic life
    skill and so practicing self hypnosis, meditation, or a physically-based
    relaxation technique such as Tai Chi can be incredibly useful. When you are properly relaxed, your brain is less emotional and your memory
    for good events works better.
  • Stop thinking about yourself: I know this sounds strange, but low self esteem is often accompanied by
    too much focus on the self. Doing something that absorbs you and holds
    your attention can quickly make you feel better.
  • Everything that you do in your interactions with others affects their and your self-esteem in some way. By enjoying each interaction and helping others feel better about themselves, you can also feel better about yourself. Help others out. Nothing makes you feel a warm glow than when you unselfishly help
    others. of course you can argue that this in itself is selfish, but if
    you take that line of thought you must think that existence is selfish.
    Forget that. Just do a good deed, help someone out, doesn’t have to be
    big and it doesn’t have to cost any money.
  • Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) techniques are especially helpful in
    changing unhealthy thinking and behavior patterns. These techniques are
    based on the idea that your feelings and behavior result from how you
    think about yourself and your life. CBT techniques can help you
    recognize, challenge and ultimately replace negative thoughts or
    inaccurate beliefs with more positive, realistic ones.
  • Go read biographies of people you respect, people who do positvive things and attain huge success.
  • Show confidence. Even if you don’t feel confident, act as though you are. At some point you will start believing the role you are playing and before long, it will no longer be an act.
  • Make an effort to look nice: Have you ever noticed how people act when they dress a certain way? If
    you don’t like what you are wearing you tend to walk slouched down and
    without a care. Throw on something that makes you feel special. Dress
    up to go sit on the porch, dress up to sit on the couch, dress up to
    clean up. Wearing something that looks good on you, always gives you
    that extra boost to just walk with your head up and have confidence. So
    put on something nice.
  • Other things that boost self-esteem though which are harder to do something about:
    • Feelings as if you are on-par or doing better than your competitors because most of us compare ourselves to others.
    • Feeling you are being listened to and given attention. Here reciprocity applies – the more you pay close attention to others when they speak, (hopefully) the more they’ll return the courtesy to you.
    • Reward, recognition and appreciation of your achievements from others. You can’t make others give you appreciation, but you you can give out your fair share of recognition, appreciation and reward to others. Generous use of praise, approval and positivity creates good feelings all around. If you’re not used to it, it may feel like false saccharine-sweetness at first, but the more you look for opportunities to praise, the easier you’ll spot appropriate places to insert praise more naturally and genuinely. 
  • Identify troubling conditions or situations: Think about what
    conditions or situations about your life you find troubling and that
    seem to deflate your self-esteem. You may wish to change aspects of
    your personality or behavior, such as a fear of giving a business
    presentation, frequently becoming angry or always expecting the worst.
    You may be struggling with depression, a disability or a change in life
    circumstances, such as the death of a loved one, a lost promotion or
    children leaving home. Or you may wish to improve your relationship
    with another person, such as a spouse, family member or co-worker.

    Once you’ve identified troubling conditions or situations, pay
    attention to your thoughts related to them. This includes your
    self-talk — what you tell yourself — as well as your interpretation of
    what a situation means and your beliefs about yourself, other people
    and events. Your thoughts and beliefs may be positive, negative or
    neutral. They may be rational — based on reason or facts — or
    irrational — based on false ideas.

    beliefs and thoughts about a condition or situation affect your
    reaction to it. Inaccurate or negative thoughts and beliefs about
    something or someone can trigger unhealthy physical, emotional and
    behavioral responses, including:
    * Physical responses, such as a stiff neck, sore back, racing heart, stomach problems, sweating or change in sleeping patterns.
    * Emotional responses, such as difficulty concentrating or feeling depressed, angry, sad, nervous, guilty or worried.
    Behavioral responses, such as eating when not hungry, avoiding tasks,
    working more than usual, spending increased time alone, obsessing about
    a situation or blaming others for your problems.

    Your initial
    thoughts may not be the only possible way to view a situation. So test
    the accuracy of your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view of a
    situation is consistent with facts and logic or whether there might be
    other explanations.You may not easily recognize inaccuracies in your
    thinking. Most people have automatic, long-standing ways of thinking
    about their lives and themselves. These long-held thoughts and beliefs
    feel normal and factual to you, but many are simply opinions or

    These kinds of thought patterns tend to erode self-esteem:
    All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad.
    For example, "If I don’t succeed in this job, I’m a total failure."
    Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting
    your view of a person or situation or your entire life. For example, "I
    made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I’m a
    * Converting positives into negatives. You reject your
    achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they
    don’t count. For example, "My date only gave me that compliment because
    he knows how bad I feel." "I only did well on that test because it was
    so easy."
    * Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative
    conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, "My
    friend hasn’t replied to my e-mail, so I must have done something to
    make her angry."
    * Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse
    feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so
    I must be a failure." No matter how strong a feeling is, it isn’t a
    * Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down
    or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a
    situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don’t deserve
    anything better." "I’m weak, stupid or ugly."

    Replace the
    negative or inaccurate thinking you’ve identified with accurate
    thoughts and beliefs. This can enable you to find constructive ways to
    cope and give your self-esteem a boost.This step can be difficult.
    Thoughts often occur spontaneously or automatically, without effort on
    your part. It can be hard to control or turn off your thoughts.
    Thoughts can be very powerful and aren’t always based on logic. It
    takes time and effort to learn how to recognize and replace distressing
    thoughts with accurate ones.These strategies may help you approach
    situations in a healthy way:
    * Use hopeful statements. Be kind and
    encouraging to yourself. Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
    That is, if you think your presentation isn’t going to go well, you may
    indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, "Even
    though it’s tough, I can handle this situation."
    * Forgive yourself.
    Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes aren’t permanent reflections on you
    as a person. They are isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made
    a mistake but that doesn’t make me a bad person."
    * Avoid ‘should’
    and ‘must’ statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these
    words, you may be setting unreasonable demands on yourself — or others.
    Removing these words from your self-talk can give you and others more
    realistic expectations.
    * Focus on the positive. Think about the
    good parts of your life. Ask yourself, "What other things have gone
    well recently?" "What personal skills do I have that have helped me
    cope with challenging situations in the past?"
    * Relabel upsetting
    thoughts. Having negative thoughts doesn’t mean you must choose to
    react negatively. Instead, think of them as signals to use new, healthy
    thinking patterns. Ask yourself, "Which of my strengths can help me
    respond in a constructive way?" "What can I think and do to make this
    less stressful?"
    * Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for
    making positive changes. Treat yourself as well as you’d treat a loved
    one. Tell yourself, "I did a good job on the presentation. It may not
    have been perfect, but my colleagues said it was good."

Brian Tracy;;;;;


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